Sometimes You Can Go Home...

This past weekend, I took my daughters to Pennsylvania to visit with their grand-parents. I left the town I grew up in after college. I fled across its borders and landed two time zones away in Colorado. I love Colorado, the open sky, the crisp air, the cold rain. For 10 years, one wedding, two babies, and countless friends, I made Colorado my home. Unfortunately during that time I denounced my true birthplace. I think many of us go through this path in life. For whatever reason, we remember the hurtful memories of the past more easily than the fun ones. We may have altered many events and tucked those memories in a closet. The photos only come out when you move or decided to re-organize a room. Then with some trepidation, you relive the photo with your friend or child.

This trip was different for me this time. We drove from our current home state of Virginia to Pennsylvania. Saturday morning I took my daughters to visit their grandmother. Myself on the other hand, would be spending time with my mom and a few friends from my youth. I think everyone was genuinely excited about the trip. This time, I was even looking forward to it. I decided to go into this with an open heart, not blocking out any of the emotions that usually surface.

As I drove closer, I made a conscious effort to feel into everything that came up. In this process, I learned a few things.

1. I need to get my eyes checked. OK - I know this really isn't a life altering revelation. However, rain, wet roads, head lights and trying to maneuver through traffic and construction almost kept me from getting home during our travels. Not fun for anyone.

2. I miss the stars. When I was a little girl, I would sit on the front porch and gaze into the stars. It helped me be at peace, although not how I would have defined it as a child. Peace is what the stars bring to me now. Colorado has such wide open skies, Virginia I feel almost smothered by trees at times. But the sky in Pennsylvania is the one I grew up knowing, framed by the house across the street, the roof top of the porch. I felt safe, hopeful and like I could reach any of those stars.

3. Simplicity. Seems easy, right? Not so much. I'm finally realizing I have spent most of my life complicating the hell out of things. If I wasn't making plans for things I couldn't control, I'd be upset with myself for not doing more, having more, or giving more. I have enough. I am enough. I give enough. I surrender control for the things I cannot control and I take responsibility for me and what I teach my daughters. I will teach them that they are enough and have enough. They will learn how and when and what to give.

4. True friends are always there. I have been blessed with so many friends. But the true friends, the ones that will call your bluff. The ones that will pick you up off the floor. The ones that will remember the good times and forgive you of the bad times. The ones that you can call at 2 in the morning on a Tuesday night. The ones you can laugh and cry with. The ones that love you for you. They exist. And although you may be a thousand miles away and have not talked in years. You know you can call and they will listen. These are the ones that have always been there even when you have pushed them away. They watch, don't judge, and will be there when you come out of the tunnel.

It was only a 5 day trip. Nothing has really changed in the town I grew up in. It was me all the time. I'm finally coming home to myself.

Namaste.

Where do I belong???

I love music. I always have. Ever since I can remember there was always music. Donna Summer, ELO, Sesame Street, The Beatles, The Beach Boys - these are some of my earliest music memories. My dad took me to see Sha-Na-Na and Michael Jackson. I would wake up and put the radio on. I would study to Barenaked Ladies in college. So you get the picture. I love music.

One thing I learned early on is that music can raise the spirits or hang out with you on a rainy day. I escape when I listen to music. It settles my soul. It brings lightness to my heart. Lyrics can be thought provoking, political, or just plain silly. Or Songs that tell a story... I have deep connection with this songs, or at least parts of them, for various reasons. I think they say all I need to right now.

The Lumineers - Hey Ho - "...I don't know where I belong, I don't know where I went wrong, but I can write a song..." or a plan for a yoga class...

Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man - "...You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head..." - Stop being so damn critical of yourself...

Florence & The Machine - Shake It Out - "...And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn..."
Forgiveness & re-birth...

Michael Kiwanuka - Home Again
"...I left my head
Many times I've been told
All this talk will make you old
So I close my eyes
Look behind
Moving on, moving on..."

Ingrid Michaelson - Keep Breathing - "...All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing..."

Of Monsters & Men - Little Talks - "...There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back, Well tell her that I miss our little talks..."

That's about all I have right now...What moves you?

Be Open to what the Universe has to teach you.

Is there a crack in the foundation of your life - a small stress fracture that needs your attention? Do something to repair it before it expands into a problem or full-blown crisis. Make plans to leave the job you hate before they let you go. Stop spending money you don't have before your debt is too overwhelming to face. Tell the truth to someone you love before the relationship goes south.

You have the power to repair the crack. Do it.... Now.

-Cheryl Richardson

My best friend told me about Cheryl Richardson. I wrote her name down and tucked the thought away of looking up her book.

A couple months later - a woman I met at a yoga workshop in Georgia, someone that has become a good friend, brought up the name again with a different book. The Art of Extreme Self Care - check it out. :-) Trust me.

It got my attention. The universe was putting a lesson in front of me and it was time to pay attention and read. So I did. That was January...

The quote from above came up today and just hit a nerve.

Then I read this...
The Lululemon Manifesto Monday:
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. - Goethe

Then tonight on elephantjournal.com

So I suppose the universe is speaking to me again today.

I guess I wanted to share this as a reminder (mostly for me):
Be open.
Know you can't plan everything (even though I try to).
Follow your heart not your brain - at least when it comes to the important stuff.
Trust that you are where you need to be.
If you have something that you need to tell someone - do it before the gap grows wider.
May the last word you speak at the end of the day be a kind one.
Show gratitude.
Dream.
Smile.
Breathe.
Remember we are all connected.

Love & Light,
Edith

What do you see?

As you may know - I'm a big PUNK Rock fan.

Ok- actually I'm not. I really like Adele, Kid Rock, Sly and The Family Stone, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, and yes, Stevie Wonder, just to name a few. So "Why the pink hair?", you ask. This was my creative way of raising money for a Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure. But it turned into something more. I was really surprised by the social experiment that came along with my extreme hair color.

It was like anyone with a mohawk, dreadlocks, facial piercings, tattoos, or other "alternative, creative, extreme" ways of expressing themselves. The people that didn't know why my hair was as bright atomic pink color also didn't know that I'm a mom of 2 little girls, a member of the PTA, daughter of a minister, a registered professional engineer, ok - I'm not a republican, but just saying, I generally come across pretty reserved. I'm the type of person that will check if my suitcase is the right size to take as a carry on when I fly. I follow the rules, most of the time.

With pink hair, somehow I became a rebel. In certain circles, like the PTA, I was artistic. At professional engineering meetings, people asked my colleagues if I had gone off the deep end. On the street, at restaurants or shopping, I'd here little kids ask their parents about my pink hair. I'd see people stop and take a second look to verify what they had just seen.

I was the outcast, the strange one. I was the one not accepted because of my appearance. It made me think of all the times I looked at someone and judged. I was now being judged. whether these people knew it or not. I could feel it. As the days went on, many times I would forget that my hair was even pink. It had become the new normal for me, and for the people I would see on a daily basis. However, there were still times when traveling or at a different end of town, that I'd be brought back to the reality of how much I stood out.

Many times it started a conversation and I was able to share the story of why my hair was pink. Once I did that, I had the "hall pass". It was all alright and I was instantly accepted again. Sometimes a friendly smile would do the trick. I would dare say that in some cases it intrigued people enough they would talk to a complete stranger. Sometimes, people would just shake their heads and look away. I know that I have done that to someone in the past, and probably not even realized it. To them - I apologize. Because of the judgment, I will never know what I may have missed out on. To those that asked - Thank you, keep asking asking and you never know what you may learn. That guy over there with the dreads may me a PhD. teaching at University. That young woman with the nose piercing may have just come back from India on a mission trip building dams. Who knows what the "rebel" may have to offer the world.

Stop looking with your eyes and see with your heart.

Love and Light,
-Edie