Sometimes You Can Go Home...

This past weekend, I took my daughters to Pennsylvania to visit with their grand-parents. I left the town I grew up in after college. I fled across its borders and landed two time zones away in Colorado. I love Colorado, the open sky, the crisp air, the cold rain. For 10 years, one wedding, two babies, and countless friends, I made Colorado my home. Unfortunately during that time I denounced my true birthplace. I think many of us go through this path in life. For whatever reason, we remember the hurtful memories of the past more easily than the fun ones. We may have altered many events and tucked those memories in a closet. The photos only come out when you move or decided to re-organize a room. Then with some trepidation, you relive the photo with your friend or child.

This trip was different for me this time. We drove from our current home state of Virginia to Pennsylvania. Saturday morning I took my daughters to visit their grandmother. Myself on the other hand, would be spending time with my mom and a few friends from my youth. I think everyone was genuinely excited about the trip. This time, I was even looking forward to it. I decided to go into this with an open heart, not blocking out any of the emotions that usually surface.

As I drove closer, I made a conscious effort to feel into everything that came up. In this process, I learned a few things.

1. I need to get my eyes checked. OK - I know this really isn't a life altering revelation. However, rain, wet roads, head lights and trying to maneuver through traffic and construction almost kept me from getting home during our travels. Not fun for anyone.

2. I miss the stars. When I was a little girl, I would sit on the front porch and gaze into the stars. It helped me be at peace, although not how I would have defined it as a child. Peace is what the stars bring to me now. Colorado has such wide open skies, Virginia I feel almost smothered by trees at times. But the sky in Pennsylvania is the one I grew up knowing, framed by the house across the street, the roof top of the porch. I felt safe, hopeful and like I could reach any of those stars.

3. Simplicity. Seems easy, right? Not so much. I'm finally realizing I have spent most of my life complicating the hell out of things. If I wasn't making plans for things I couldn't control, I'd be upset with myself for not doing more, having more, or giving more. I have enough. I am enough. I give enough. I surrender control for the things I cannot control and I take responsibility for me and what I teach my daughters. I will teach them that they are enough and have enough. They will learn how and when and what to give.

4. True friends are always there. I have been blessed with so many friends. But the true friends, the ones that will call your bluff. The ones that will pick you up off the floor. The ones that will remember the good times and forgive you of the bad times. The ones that you can call at 2 in the morning on a Tuesday night. The ones you can laugh and cry with. The ones that love you for you. They exist. And although you may be a thousand miles away and have not talked in years. You know you can call and they will listen. These are the ones that have always been there even when you have pushed them away. They watch, don't judge, and will be there when you come out of the tunnel.

It was only a 5 day trip. Nothing has really changed in the town I grew up in. It was me all the time. I'm finally coming home to myself.

Namaste.